I have my speech prepared..
about my love and loyalty
and how much she will mean to me..
but frustratedly, the days of lonely
used to be more purposeful..
Maybe I’ll never have it all..
and these doubts are reminders
that I’ll never have it all..
Like being myself is not enough
and never was
a path to my one true love
I could hope..
– janberry. 21sep2017. 7:08pm.
Only now growing up socially…
worse things have happened.
failing forward. inertia dragging my emotions along.
age means nothing anymore,
and I have to accept that,
painful like teeth emerging.
Tooth fairy, spare me a dollar nah?
I’ll pay it back, just let me move forward painlessly.
harder on myself than anyone will ever be,
even still, the warrior way is not…painlessly.
– janberry. © 29 mar 2017. 12.16pm.
‘Like a moth to a flame
Burnt by the fire
My love is deep
Can’t you feel my desire?’**
Wary till bruised
Eyes seeing new.
Hymns of patience
Wash up in waves
Tossing itself about
In the flame.
That’s the way..
That’s the way love goes.
**excerpt from song ‘That’s the way love goes’ by Janet Jackson.
DISP – Day 4
The vanguard of design
This was all decided before I existed
So I could only study it
And then study it’s redefinition
And how it impacts my definition of me
The bedrock of personality
Personality is inbuilt
And sexuality a product of none,
but decided, before me
Before my identity, personality and desire
The thought patterns that drive holy living
override the modus operandi of unholy living
Again, these are operated by the pre-set definitions
The true question is who determines these for you
And what is the outflow of adopting any one ‘set’…
– to be continued
17 aug 2015. © janberry
Image credit: http://www.qcrefugechurch.com/identity-youth/
Restless – Day 3
I wonder what children think of adults.
I face painted today
And ran out of black
But I found new possibilities
Without a few colours in my pallette
I believe that I’ve been painted in to the crevices
And then I spread into the spaces..
I grow less scared of myself
I am powerful
16 aug 2015 © janberry
Volition – Day 2…
I listen as I run
If you listen to it, you hear
beginning in the center
‘For God alone my soul waits in silence’..it begins
I wait tuning out the sound and force of my feet
turning my thoughts
Drive them as a car is driven
Can desire be forfeited?
‘For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence’…
steadying my breath
ignoring my sweat
I can turn them
with the same volition
I use to motor my legs
throwing my shoulders back
as on my God alone,
© 15.Aug.2015 1:15pm
As of last night, I have begun a marathon of poems with the intent of tracing a thought pattern to it’s origin..with a poem everyday …and so, it begins, Day 1…
Stars fall aloud
There are so many stars in the sky
Why do we only see them when night draws the curtain on light?
Are they meant to take our breath away
As slumber possesses it instead
My sensitivities are laid bear in this quiet
The breaking of the waves feels like the breaking of consciousness
I wanted company
Instead, the waters obliged me
Truth is..I’m chasing me
but trapped behind the facade of night
The flambeau that I use to peer forward has run amok
And is burning my hand and clothes and skin..
Some are recessed and some hang low
Some things are hidden, some things I know…
It’s an uncomfortable repose..
Left to swindle my tongue
Sing a right and I’ll write a wrong
I’m a danger zone
I’ve avoided as much as I can of the civility of nearness
My human instinct reduced to moments of need that come and then are made to flee
This is a breaking
Like these waves
What do you see at the shore
Mostly just the swell and the foam
Do you see the currents as they groan
Exchanging destinies for silence
Beneath the surface giving no promise
Make sense of this for me God
Bring the tensions that fight against themselves beneath this sea beneath this sky
Give them air to breath that isn’t lullaby
Don’t make them sleep there God
Give them air
Bring them up in a swell
And land them on me
Beached by my affections
My tenderness overturned
But will wait
…to be continued
15.Aug.2015 10.36pm © janberry