Androgyny pt 7 – In my skin

Androgyny pt 7 – In my skin

I’ve had to sketch my left hand quite a few times in my life…why is this an art school’s favorite exercise? My first observation whilst doing this was that I have my fathers hands…veiny brown stubs adept at any work requiring steadiness. This was adding itself to the growing body of evidence that I don’t quite fit where I ought to have fit. I have a case of the disappearing boobies, my father’s hands, insanely detailed fascinations with women and a very deep sensitivity to their needs. Hmm..? I’ve explored many aspects of myself trying to gain a full rounded understanding of all my roots, and two stories come to mind.

I’d borrowed my mother’s grey Timberlands but loosened the laces, the way Method Man wore his. This, with a black hoodie and sweatpants. I put my foot up on the bus seat and leaned against the window closing my eye. I was traveling with the women’s basketball team to some town outside of Boston and it was going to be at least 2 hours until we were there. I posed for most of that time. The girls were watching. Beaming..inside.

I looked in the mirror, and thought wow, now this is sensible..I don’t even look like I have any make-up on. Nat had gifted me with a personal makeup coaching session, where I’d learned how to apply make-up for daytime and night-time looks. I could decide how I wanted my face to look, and having that power made experimentation easy because I knew what I was doing. This was a good start. Beaming…inside.

Along the way and after other experiments I’ve resolved that the expression of neither of these exclusively feels good. Men’s clothing make me feel better inside my skin but it should be just so that my female definition is still evident. Make-up is mostly useless and dresses and skirts feel like jail, allowing limited expression. I think Maya Angelou’s quote on personal style/comfort does the best at explaining it.

“If I feel good inside my skin and clothes, I am thus free to allow my body its sway, its natural grace, its natural gesture.”

– Janberry

This is the second to last article in this series. Thank you to everyone who has read and commented, though privately.


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