I notice the things men typically notice…your saunter..the way you smile when you’re nervous..the roundness of your bosom… Since I was a teenager I’ve been struggling with my awareness of these subtleties. It has always made me extremely self-conscious, simultaneously wanting to tell you that you’re beautiful and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for noticing that. Being an open book, it’s hard knowing that there is probably a gleam in my eye when I look at you…you, woman. In my fourth decade of life, I’m still trying to figure out how to hide the effect you have on me.
This series is meant to elaborate on the experience of an androgynous female..This entry raises more questions. Why do I feel this way? Is this normal? What percentage of this can I attribute to childhood experiences (negative or positive)? Whether or not these questions can or will be answered, I have determined not to continue fearing myself and how I feel…to stop being afraid of who I am, and venture into the expression of myself without first trying to subdue those parts.