I have spent a long time deliberately working through issues – plowing through them, sifting through them to uncover myself in the muck and mire of pain. In my first book’s cover, an image of me was propelling into the sky, slightly disentangled from a gooey and dark substance. I’d believed at the time, that the dark and gooey substance was so enmeshed in me that the only way to expunge it and free myself was through constant affirmation of the truth that I was essentially indistinguishable without it, unless I was re-made. So, my journey throughout Godcall was borne of renewal…and transformation.
I’ve come back to that dark and gooey substance only to see that I am indistinguishable from it, but also that spirit and flesh form me in the body of this old soul.
Some people say I talk in tongues…I often submerge my words under a sea of metaphor, to soften the blow of truth. Life is a deep thing – and I dive deep. Of course, I can tell you what I see under there but you will feel like it bore fangs and were devoid of light…unless you yourself have delved there – exposed yourself to yourself and confronted the realities of who you are without religion, without shame, without companion, without narratives, and looked at those demons. Scare them by your courage – they sit in the pit of your pain and fear gorging on your denial.
We are false and true, perfectly imperfect. There are things we know, and there are things we don’t know. I think the problem with humanity is that we loftily declare knowing. This is not relativism or existentialism (and if you’re wondering what that means, dictionaries are only a Google away). This is reality.
I’m precociously aware of the God who created everything I see. There are parts of me that I tried to separate and bury, so that a new self may emerge – and a new self DID emerge – one that grows bolder and bolder to delve beneath the surface until my self comes out victorious. I’ve become more of myself and to be fair to my self, I have to defend this self, so you may find that I am more able to, with clarity, tell you when you have stepped on that self…when you have stepped on my toes in your own attempts at self-exhortation.
You will find that I am bolder, and you may interpret it as confrontational. Don’t.