You know, it’s so important to make a memorial.
There is a period of my life from which I have vanquished all physical memories – no pictures, no poems, no letters…I have deleted it all. I sometimes wish I’d kept it all for the sake of comparison. This period of my life was in America, and when I came back to Trinidad, I had to tone it down so it’s not very evident to most of the people I know how deep my transformation as a person went. It’s clear as day to me. It’s clear as day. I forget sometimes but I have to remind myself because it’s a constant stream of growth…sometimes slower but always growing. When it’s difficult and I feel like I’m just spinning around senselessly and stagnated, I have to remind myself that I have come far…very far.
In the picture (on left), the person on the left is someone at the beginning of a shift into a lesbian identity. After a struggle for many years, I just began to identify myself as a lesbian, realizing that I’d never be able to not feel so normal about having attractions to women instead of men.
Never is not a word that God accepts. The person on the right, although, only slightly dissimilar from the person on the left in terms of physical appearance, is such a different person inside that skin. This person loves and appreciates men. This person enjoys, appreciates and is comfortable being a woman and learning all that this means in a Godly sense. Some may say I’m a stuck record with it, but can I tell you, God is a ‘TRANSFORMING’ God…if you’re not changing, check yourself and check in that you’re serving the true and living God. That true and living God exists and does not bend to our whims but gives us a new life that makes us yearn for His way and not our own. This God spurs transformation that is deep and freeing. The transformation brings wholeness, as He keeps uncovering and healing areas of our lives.
This is a moment of remembering.
Note: I haven’t forgotten, though that I’m supposed to be talking about the ‘rules’ for the believer…I’m getting to that, but this memorial was necessary.