Not yet…

I’m in the middle of a blowing, knowing nothing but the ropes that were slung over the anchor.
I cling to their tassels, grabbing onto threads. Help me to hold on with deep rest…relaxed and free.
First to seek thee…my pursuits pointed at you only. Help me.

– Janberry

Note: So, I just expanded my businesses, taking major and expensive steps, with both: greenInk Ltd and Making Faces Ltd. For the past month, I’ve been mostly anxious…my mind grinding constantly with thoughts of overheads, marketing, sales and client-work. My mind not constantly pondering and meditating on the truths I know exist in God  and God alone…for the past couple of days, my life could finally eke out some fruit, and thus, I write.

“Seek first the kingdom of God and all shall be added onto you”….I’m reminded of this especially because as a diligent and hard-worker…once committed, I put in effort, time, and thought to what I am involved in. Last year was a year that drained me of a lot of reliance on my ability to bring things about…I’m praying myself out of the regretfulness of it all, but last year I gave up much stability for an opportunity to resume studies in England in my chosen field, ‘Communication Design’ after a much-too-long hiatus from formal education. After a year and a half of effort, prayer and fight, it has not come to pass, and I relinquish…hands down, defeated, full of doubt, disappointed and bitter about the certainty of any opportunity or good thing. It took a great measure of effort once more to embark on something…anything that did not involve quitting.

“Seek first the kingdom of God and all shall be added onto you”….I was reminded of this time and time again over the past few days. I’ve also been meditating on Psalm 95 that spoke to the Israelites of the place of God, his might, his way.. I’m reminded that I am a creation, and God is my creator…reminded to worship God and follow him in good times and bad..In times when my plans, my thoughts, my efforts come to naught, I worship God..because he knows my needs. Today is enough stress, why give myself a headache over tomorrow, or even yesterday. It is what it was, it will be what it would, and it is now what it ought. God is good…I’m reminded to seek him first, although so many of the things I dream about seem to say to me, ‘..not yet..’

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Not yet…

  1. I’m adding a comment to this blog…a blog post from another blog I read regularly by country singer Shelly Wilson….it was comforting. I hope it bears hope for you and enlightens you a bit more about the graces and presence of God…

    Without pain, there would be no dance..a Moment with Jesus
    Funny how pain drives us to seek more…love more…trust more…without it would we bother at all with God? Would He ever be invited into our lives? For we are a people who seek Him in time of dire need…rather than realizing we are alwaysin dire need…for it is why the Savior came.

    This morning while I prayed I heard Him say, “if there had been no pain, there would be no dance..” I found myself saying, “you are right Lord. Without illness I would never had been still long enough to hear you speaking to me..without tears I would never have learned when your heart too cries. Without various pains of seasons of life there would be no song…and without burdens so deep that mere words can’t be found, I would not have learned to pour it out to you in dance..which to me was a new joy and a new freedom I had yet to know at your feet.”

    So..thank you for the pains of life…and the things I ask you to take away from time to time…I wouldn’t miss the dance for anything and I know you waste nothing…let each one bring you MUCH glory as I allow you to make my heart stronger in you and your ways…for you are beautiful to me..

    by Shelly Wilson
    Without the pain, without the tears
    Without that all consuming fear.
    Without the rain that sometimes pours,
    Without the hours on my knees …seeking you more.

    Without the cry from deep within
    Without the “whys” my mind wrestles with
    Without the dark that left me still
    Without the brokenness of heart in the years of being ill..

    There’d be no dance….there’d be no song….
    there’d be no sweet melodies from a heart becoming strong..
    There’d be no love …authentically…
    there’d be no passion to share..what you’ve learned from me….
    And most of all…yea most of all…there’d be no dance.

    Without the loss of words in times of grief
    Without the scars of hidden memories
    Without the lessons learned that sometimes sting
    From years of what seemed like broken dreams..

    There’d be no dance….there’d be no song….
    there’d be no sweet melodies from a heart becoming strong..
    There’d be no love …authentically..
    there’d be no passion to share..what you’ve learned from me…
    And most of all ..yes most of all…there’d be no dance.

    Yet in that moment of emptiness when you question your strength
    And when you’re overcome by heaviness..
    Freedom comes..when you dance for me…………yes dance for me…

    There would be no dance….and there would be no song….
    there’d be no sweet melodies from a heart I’ve made strong..
    There’s be no love…birthed authentically..there’d be no passion to share..
    what you’ve learned from me….And most of all yes most of all…..
    there’d be no dance….there’d be no sweet dance…

    Like

  2. I’m adding a comment to this post myself because it was so fitting and I hope anyone who reads the article, reads this comment too…it’s comforting and gives hope…It’s from the blog of singer Shelly Wilson…

    Without pain, there would be no dance..a Moment with Jesus
    Funny how pain drives us to seek more…love more…trust more…without it would we bother at all with God? Would He ever be invited into our lives? For we are a people who seek Him in time of dire need…rather than realizing we are alwaysin dire need…for it is why the Savior came.This morning while I prayed I heard Him say, “if there had been no pain, there would be no dance..” I found myself saying, “you are right Lord. Without illness I would never had been still long enough to hear you speaking to me..without tears I would never have learned when your heart too cries. Without various pains of seasons of life there would be no song…and without burdens so deep that mere words can’t be found, I would not have learned to pour it out to you in dance..which to me was a new joy and a new freedom I had yet to know at your feet.”So..thank you for the pains of life…and the things I ask you to take away from time to time…I wouldn’t miss the dance for anything and I know you waste nothing…let each one bring you MUCH glory as I allow you to make my heart stronger in you and your ways…for you are beautiful to me..   by Shelly WilsonWithout the pain, without the tears
    Without that all consuming fear.
    Without the rain that sometimes pours,
    Without the hours on my knees …seeking you more.Without the cry from deep within
    Without the “whys” my mind wrestles with
    Without the dark that left me still
    Without the brokenness of heart in the years of being ill..There’d be no dance….there’d be no song….there’d be no sweet melodies from a heart becoming strong..
    There’d be no love …authentically…there’d be no passion to share..what you’ve learned from me….
    And most of all…yea most of all…there’d be no dance.Without the loss of words in times of grief
    Without the scars of hidden memories
    Without the lessons learned that sometimes sting
    From years of what seemed like broken dreams..There’d be no dance….there’d be no song….there’d be no sweet melodies from a heart becoming strong..
    There’d be no love …authentically..
    there’d be no passion to share..what you’ve learned from me…
    And most of all ..yes most of all…there’d be no dance.Yet in that moment of emptiness when you question your strength
    And when you’re overcome by heaviness..
    Freedom comes..when you dance for me…………yes dance for me…There would be no dance….and there would be no song….there’d be no sweet melodies from a heart I’ve made strong..There’s be no love…birthed authentically..there’d be no passion to share..what you’ve learned from me….And most of all yes most of all…..there’d be no dance….there’d be no sweet dance…

    Like

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